I write occasional daft emails to fellow members of my woodturning club.  As we get new members, some of them are stupid enough to ask me for some of the older emails.  As time passes and the read them, they will learn never to ask again - but meanwhile I have to dig into my email archives and find old items and then send them one by one to the unlucky recipients.

You would think they would find more useful things to do with their lives than read the sad wittering's of this old fool and try to make something of their lives - but no!  Any that appear here will do so in reverse order, there are many reasons for this, but logic is the main driver.  If there is one thing I have - it is logic.  Not much else to be fair - but I do have logic.

I have only recently worked out how to put the pictures in, so many are still missing.  I will continue to work on it.

82 - May it be good

Hello my shaving covered buddies. I am sending two emails today - this is the first, some say initial, some say inaugural, I say it is part one.

Exciting times are ahead - we are getting all jabbed-up and looking forward to seeing each other again.

  1. Developments at the hall - We are hoping to meet in person at the Saturday workshop on 22nd May (current rules appear to dictate up to 30 people outdoors and up to 6 people indoors.)

  2. We have a wonderful treat with Nick Agar as our demonstrator - as we share Nick with Berkshire it will be on Wednesday 19th May starting at 7pm

  3. We have a reasonably large supply of London Plane for members - details below.

  4. The membership drive appears to be working

  5. Don’t dive head first from the loft.

Developments at the hall - We are hoping to meet in person at the Saturday workshop on 22nd May (current rules appear to dictate up to 30 people outdoors and up to 6 people indoors.)

Mike Allen has have spoken with Stuart at Padworth Village Hall - they have their first booking on May 6th. He's happy to see us on Saturday 22nd (10:00-13:00) for a car park meet, with the club shop set up indoors and a maximum of six at a time in the hall (subject to the rules being relaxed "not before 17th May").

Mike has also spoken to Brian Collins (our wood man) who has had a very quiet period as you can imagine, although he has just received a large order for Aunt Sally sticks which is his speciality - and he does them to a specific size (and importantly a specific weight) . Brian is willing to do 22nd May at Padworth, Mike has said we are desperate for wood blanks.

We believe we could meet in the car park on 22nd May, we can put the club shop and Brian indoors and let 4 members at a time go into the hall. Stuart will put out sanitizer bottles for us. We can probably manage tea/coffee/biscuits served in the car park. Apparently the milk and biscuits we used last March may need refreshing - so I may need to go shopping first.

As we are going to have to pay for the hall use for the shop and the wood we will be charging our usual £3 for the Saturday - and start to fill up the coffers (and pay for the new biscuits!) 😊

Subject to the rules, the *June* Saturday workshop might allow us to get the lathes out for novice tuition. Please be aware that football is back at Padworth on May 22nd. Games are at 2:00 pm and players arrive around 12:00 so we are suggesting we bag the parking spaces to the right of the hall (as you drive in) and have our outdoor meet there. Stuart also mentioned that he has cleared the stock room of kids toys and re-hung the door to open outwards, so should be easier to access the big lathe on club nights - bonus!!

I know a lot of people are short of wood, and also need supplies of abrasives etc, so please make your way down to see us on Saturday 22nd March from 10:00am

We have a wonderful treat with Nick Agar as our demonstrator - as we share Nick with Berkshire it will be on Wednesday 19th May starting at 7pm

Sharing with Berkshire woodturners, we get to see Nick Agar starting at 7pm on Wednesday 19th May. It has been quite a few years since we saw Nick agar and he has now moved to America - so demonstrating online means we get to see him again without having to pay his airfare. Here is what Nick Agar is going to present :

Bronzed Bowl.

Examples of the existing work will be shown.

Look at inspiration and form.

Turning tips, gouge presentation and shape.

What wood should be used?

Reactive paints and gilts to get great results. (Materials used will be available in the UK shortly.)

Texture tools to be found around the home.

Bowl hollowing in detail


Nick has up to 5 cameras available with close-ups and remote zoom on all cameras - so I really think we will be in for a treat.

We have a reasonably large supply of London Plane for members - details below.

Sam Bantu emailed me with the following; London plane is also called Lacewood, it turns beautifully and looks wonderful. It is a hybrid of American Sycamore.

The membership drive appears to be working

I am quite touched (actually that sentence would normally end there). I am quite touched that we have 62 members so far this year considering that we have not been able to meet in person. I believe that this is a reflection on the sort of people we have as members and it bodes well for the future. There is no doubt that it has been difficult as we have not been able to meet in person, some of our members are not designed for accommodating the vagaries of the internet and have therefore been a little distant while we have managed to meet up online. That is understood, and that is why I am so very grateful that we will be able to meet again in person before too long. How we do it, and exactly when we do it are to be announced. I for one cannot wait - and on behalf of the committee can I say thank you so very much for waiting with us.

Don’t dive head first from the loft.

I tried it on Monday and it bloody hurts. I will be honest and say that diving headfirst is perhaps a wee stretch of the truth. I went arse first which is possibly why I survived the landing, or perhaps why the upstairs landing survived being hit by me. I have the requisite number of bruises to demonstrate my lack of balance, safety awareness, stupidity, risk assessment skills and (latterly) a decent Stepladder. (I say step-ladder because I never knew my real ladder)

Can I recommend that next time you are foolish enough to attempt to scale the dizzy heights of the loft, that you have someone who likes you to make sure it is still there when you launch yourself back out of it again hoping to come down gently, not while presenting a backward somersault and half-pike with a twist.

While riding my Motorbike, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head. Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a car pulled up driven by a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?”

As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with cleavage to die for... "I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.

She said "Get in and I'll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head."

"That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"

"Oh, come now, I'm a nurse," she said. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."

Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this.”

We arrived at her house which was just few miles away and after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now.”

"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

"Still in the ditch, I guess!"

“See you” in a few weeks!!!!!

Phil Boulter

Vice Chairman

Kennet Valley Woodturners




M:07836 274345

H: 01635 826009

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