top of page

I write occasional daft emails to fellow members of my woodturning club.  As we get new members, some of them are stupid enough to ask me for some of the older emails.  As time passes and the read them, they will learn never to ask again - but meanwhile I have to dig into my email archives and find old items and then send them one by one to the unlucky recipients.

You would think they would find more useful things to do with their lives than read the sad wittering's of this old fool and try to make something of their lives - but no!  Any that appear here will do so in reverse order, there are many reasons for this, but logic is the main driver.  If there is one thing I have - it is logic.  Not much else to be fair - but I do have logic.

I have only recently worked out how to put the pictures in, so many are still missing.  I will continue to work on it.

80 - KVWT - it is rather nippy

Hello everyone. I hope you are wearing something warm in your workshops - this is the sort of weather where even brass bits can drop off unexpectedly.

The chairman of the dyslexia society was given an OBE last week. He said what’s the point I can't play the bloody thing. He is getting on a bit and moaned about not being able to do the things he did in his twenties, like bomb the Japanese.

So, after the AGM, and as promised, here are the details of what we discussed, and also some things for you to think about. The usual rubbish is also included, what the hell, I am retired and apparently I can afford the time.

I have recently asked via “social media” (that first word is a lie by the way) what the best job description is for a retired person? “Daytime TV Consultant” was one suggestion - but I don’t turn that little bugger on unless there is cricket or rugby to watch - with the possible exception of Richard Osman’s House of Games while cooking a little light something for tea. I think if it wasn’t for those items, plus Taskmaster, I would happily bin the bloody thing and not bother with TV at all.

So why do I pay so much money each month for Television and telephone, and then don’t use the bloody things? Am I the only mug?

I am getting older, and therefore it goes without saying that TV is not as good as it used to be when we had three channels and all afternoon was spent watching the test-card. Am I the only person that remembers auntie-beeb playing the national anthem before sending us to bed?

Sorry - I was off on one there, I must try to stay focussed. Lets have a quick round up of the headlines before we launch into another diatribe of nonsense as I faff and dither. (Which reminds me - are there still two “faffs” to a “dither” or has this changed now we have left the EU?)

  1. The AGM

  2. Vaccinations

  3. The Club membership 2020 details

  4. Tod Raines demonstration on 9th March

  5. The Saturday workshop/social 27th February

  6. A simple commission for anyone who wants it?

  7. Monthly Competition

  8. …and finally (beware at Tesco)


What a grand bunch you are. We managed to peak at about 38 people last Tuesday which shows that despite having all that covid-19 can throw at us we can still get a core of members to what is arguably the most boring meeting of the year. Thank you so much to all of you who managed to attend, to those that were unable to attend for whatever reason, and also to those who prefer to avoid these online events and wait for real life meetings.

We had a good healthy discussion on a couple of topics, and some good news for all of us as John Austin managed to join for a few minutes from his hospital bed. Oh how we laughed as he told us how awful thew Wi-Fi was in there, and then promptly his call dropped and we were faced with an empty screen. The meeting voted unanimously to accept the committee suggestion that this year we reduce the annual membership to £25. We will reconsider this next year when we hope things will be returned to whatever “normal” is by then.

The minutes from the meeting will be published shortly once they have been vetted by the committee this week.


In case some of you have not spotted it, anyone over 65 years of age can now book a Covid-19 vaccination online. Just go to the government website and pick a date. All you need is your NHS number. (it is always on a prescription if you have one).

The sooner we are all vaccinated the sooner we can get together again. I have had my vaccination already and I am not suffering from any side effects as you can see by my picture.

I was lucky enough to get my dose at Newbury Racecourse where I volunteer as a vaccine steward and I should say that they are very well organised and get people in and out very quickly indeed.

The Club membership 2020 details

As mentioned above we now have a membership fee of £25. Clearly as we are unable to meet at the moment we can’t hand over cash or a cheque (in person), but we can still write a cheque, and can also pay by bank transfer. So -

Tod Raines demonstration on 9th March

As we move forward into 2021 we look abroad again for the monthly demonstrator. On March 9th we welcome Tod Raines from Allen in Texas along with the Berkshire club. Tod is a popular woodturner from America and I am very much looking forward to welcoming his presentation.

Tod runs the Woodturning Tool Store online and has a busy upcoming schedule doing Club Zoom meetings as well as online live streams.

You can get a view of Tod on his YouTube channel where he does have a selection of projects and ideas about tools.

Rather worryingly my search of the interweb found several odd results when I searched for Tod Raines.

All I do know is that we are going to get at least one of them on 9th March - lets just hope it’s the right one!! It is a real treat to be able to get a demonstrator from so far away and something that is still very unusual, so we should enjoy it while it is so new and make the most of it.

I will send out the details of the Zoom meeting as soon as it is ready, so keep an eye on your email and lets look forward to an entertaining and educational evening with Tod.

The Saturday workshop/social 27th February

One link I will can give you here and now is the link to our next Saturday workshop Q&A meeting which will take place on Saturday morning 27th February at 10:00am. The last meeting we had in January was well attended and we had a nice social hour chatting about woodturning but also other things as well.

Even though we can’t get together in person, we can dip in and out of this social get together as we see fit and chat to our club-mates. So if you haven’t seen or spoken to one of your pals from the club in a while why not join us on the 27th instead of going shopping!!

Monthly Competition

You want to have a return to a monthly competition apparently - this was suggested/asked for at the AGM and we are delighted to be able to offer suggestions as to what these competitions may involve - albeit we need to work out how best to judge them.

In the meantime - lets have one for February - and as we have not met as a committee yet I will take it upon myself to set the task. Therefore I have decided on a pair of bells. As they are made of wood I don’t expect them to have working clappers - but a good matching pair would be good. Following this we can discuss this in committee and come up with a list of the rest of the year. We can also discuss voting - but more will need to follow on that - and I will be in touch.

…and finally (beware at Tesco)

There are a lot of scams about. I checked today - I got 20 emails - 14 of them were scam phishing emails (you can always tell by the email address. They were a variation on “Check your cart”, “Update your payment details”. “Account for Norton 360 expired”, “Customer support 7523” and “Why don’t you ring any more?”

Actually the last one was from my sister - but you get the idea.

In a way I am actually quite pleased that word has got around and no-one is bothering to offer me a penis extension, so I should be grateful for small (or large) mercies. Also there seems to be a distinct lack of Prince’s form Kenya offering me a share of £10,000,000 by letting them put it in my bank account - all they need is my full account details and pin number. The sad thing is I send each and every one I get to the government phishing site and the more I send to them, the more emails I seem to get every day. I am starting to think it is some spotty oik in a government basement somewhere who sends out all this rubbish just to keep himself in a job with an index linked civil service pension at the end of it.

Now it is becoming local as well, so be warned. Don't be naive enough to think, it couldn't happen to you. Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 20+ year girls come over to your car as you are loading your vehicle. They both start roaming around your car looking for their lost keys ,with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts.

When you offer them help in finding keys, they say "NO" and instead ask you for a ride to some place. You agree and they get into the back seat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts to stroke you in a very private place while getting completewly naked while the other one slips her hand between the seats & steals your wallet..!

I had my wallet stolen on January 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th & 28th. Also this month 2nd & 4th, twice on the 8th & 9th, three times last Saturday and again tomorrow afternoon. That’s why I’m informing all friends to be careful and be informed that Cheap leather wallets are available at your nearest LIDL or ALDI.

Be careful out there!! I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout For Help".

My first wife was a very proud Canadian who always said she was always proud of the education system in Canadia and said it was the goodest one of them all.

I had better send this now anyway as people are asking for details of the membership. We have a committee meeting on Thursday, if anything pops up I will email again and keep you in touch. I do hope to see or hear from some of you on the Saturday Q&A on 27th Feb. Remember - 10:00am

I have learned to respect my elders, but now they are hard to find.

Phil Boulter

Vice Chairman

Kennet Valley Woodturners

M:07836 274345

H: 01635 826009

2 views0 comments


bottom of page