I write occasional daft emails to fellow members of my woodturning club.  As we get new members, some of them are stupid enough to ask me for some of the older emails.  As time passes and the read them, they will learn never to ask again - but meanwhile I have to dig into my email archives and find old items and then send them one by one to the unlucky recipients.

You would think they would find more useful things to do with their lives than read the sad wittering's of this old fool and try to make something of their lives - but no!  Any that appear here will do so in reverse order, there are many reasons for this, but logic is the main driver.  If there is one thing I have - it is logic.  Not much else to be fair - but I do have logic.

I have only recently worked out how to put the pictures in, so many are still missing.  I will continue to work on it.

8. Wooden you know it 20th January 2014

From: Boulter, Phil (DSI) Sent: 20 January 2014 22:17 To: phil.boulter@ntlworld.com Subject: Wooden you know it

Hello KVWT faithful. Another [roughly] monthly blog.


The new year is well and truly here. Frosty mornings, and with them come knob-heads from both ends of the scale.


Knob-head 1 – Drive down the road with only a tiny little hole in the windscreen to see out of. Why on earth would they want to see left, right of behind them? Knob-heads.

Knob-head 2 – because it’s frosty we should turn on our high intensity rear lamps so that people behind in the next continent me can see bugger all (see also “it is raining a bit”). Knob heads. Shooting is too good for them. Can someone explain to them that it’s frosty because there is no cloud cover – ergo - no fog.


OK – I feel better now.


By the way – if you don’t want to get this email any more please let me know. I won’t take it personally, honest!


So – what a cracking start to the new year. The bowler hatted turner, John Aitken, with a performance that frankly was the best one this year so far!!! J Seriously, I found him excellent and I know I was not the only one. I missed the November meeting with Les Thorne, but John more than made up for that with a wonderful evening of turning, tips and wonderful banter. I hope we get to see him again before too long, if not I may nip down to the Kennet & Avon Woodturning Club in Trowbridge to pay a visit. Thoroughly impressed! Also – what a good turnout for the first meeting of the new year – let’s hope that continues.


I should say that I have seen the line-up for next year – and it looks pretty darn good to me and I hope you all feel the same.


By the way – did I mention, I went to a seafood Disco the other week and pulled a muscle. Also, I have a new bumper sticker on my car - it reads “My other lathe is a Oneway 2345-3hp”


What is occurring next month I hear you cry. The AGM. Once a year we all get the chance to grill the committee and ask what has happened, why, how much it cost, what we are doing about it and how we can make it just as good next year without spending any more money. None of this of course will be possible unless you turn up – which we hope you will. Last year was very interesting, and who knows – this year could be just as good.


What I will ask however – is that you not only turn up, but that you consider the next paragraph as well.


A club is only as good as it’s members, but also only as good as the members who give willingly of their time to try to run the club in the manner expected of the people who pay to join. The members who give up their time – the committee, do so because they are keen to get involved, but also because they see it as a way of getting even more enjoyment out of the membership – which despite the occasional hard work I know they do. Speaking as a member of the committee I know I enjoy the ins and outs of the organisation, and I do get a lot of satisfaction for a job well done. I don’t work as hard as some committee members, but what I do is enjoyable.


All that being said – it is a job that can sometimes put a strain on a person’s private life when they are busy, ill, or have family members who need that time devoted to them instead of the committee. Sharing responsibility can make things easier in whatever we do, whether it is at home, in the workplace, or hobby related. As a committee we are sending out a please to help us share the load. Most members of the committee have given many years of service, and a lending hand is always appreciated to make the task easier, to spread the load, but actually also to spread the sense of satisfaction of a job well done.


I urge you to please make sure your hand is not tied down against your side when we come to the part of the AGM that says “Are there any nominations for new committee members”. You are allowed to nominate yourselves –and you are welcome to join the fun. We have benefited from Mike Larby joining the fold last year – but the more the merrier. Please do not assume that we will go on forever without new blood because sooner or later the most willing people could get jaded if we expect too much of them.

I should also point out that the people that help us out on a month by month basis are every bit as important and need to be appreciated. Have you ever given a thought to those wonderful people who sit at the door month after month taking your money and dishing out raffle tickets, organising the monthly competition judging, looking after the club library, the club shop, making tea at the halfway point on an evening meeting or welcoming new members. This list is not exhaustive! We would be royally stuffed without them.


I beg you – come and join the fun – get something from the membership by giving something to the membership. No further questions your honour – your witness.

So – what of the new year.


We will of course be looking to provide a rich and varied program of events in 2014. The next event (assuming I get this finished and sent out this week) is the Saturday workshop on January 25th. The subject of this Saturday workshop is pen turning, something dear to my heart.


We will, as ever, be happy to help you sharpen your tools, and as always are willing and hopefully able, to give a Saturday helping hand to novice turners where we can. We tend to have four different lathes on operation on a Saturday so there is plenty of scope to see how different lathes operate as well.


We will announce the full 2014 program on Feb 11th at the AGM. While on the AGM – let us not forget the Reg Bailey Trophy. Reg Baily was a very important founder member of the club, and this trophy is competed for each year.


The Reg Bailey Cup was presented to the Club by the Splinter Group, who meet socially in memory of a past member, Reg Bailey. Reg was a founder member of Kennet Valley Woodturners and served for a number of years on the committee. He was a popular and helpful club member, and an excellent turner. The Cup is awarded in an open "Member's Choice" competition on the evening of the AGM, where members present vote freely for their favourite entry. The Cup is inscribed 'The Reg Bailey Trophy'

Everyone is encouraged to enter a piece for the Reg Bailey cup, whatever their experience. The pieces entered are judged by all of the members present at the AGM. Each piece will be displayed in the relevant section, be it novice, intermediate or advanced. All we ask is that you judge the item with associated weight given to the experience of the turner. In this way we hope to open the competition to as many people as possible. Give it a go!


Jolly serious this month isn’t it! Perhaps we should lighten the mood a tadge.


Jesus was on his rounds through heaven one day and as he happened by the Pearly Gates he noticed that St. Peter was looking more than a bit frazzled. He suggested that Pete take a few days off, to which the former replied that there would be no one there to admit the new souls as they arrived. After much cajoling St. Peter was convinced that perhaps Jesus could handle his work for him for a while. He took off and Jesus sat down to work. After passing several hundred new souls through he looked up to find an elderly, happy looking gentleman standing before him. Beginning his routine, he asked "name?". "Joseph" came the reply. "Occupation on earth?" . "I worked as a carpenter". "Any children?". At this point the gentleman began to tell a story. "I had one son. In fact, my son was very famous on earth. His story has been told down through the ages and still brings joy and happiness to the hearts of millions". About this time Jesus looks up in amazement and says "father?" To which the old man excitedly replies "Pinocchio?".


Denis Winter suggests…

David was at school when the teacher asked all the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came out: Policeman, Fireman, Salesman, etc. But David was being uncharacteristically quiet and so teacher asked him about his father. 'My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really good he'll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him.'

The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little Bruce aside to ask him if that was really true. 'No,' said David, 'he plays cricket for England , but I was just too embarrassed to say'.


One from me….


The kids have their hands up – get ready to put yours up on February 11th!!!!! (I don’t just throw this stuff together you know!!) J


Vice Chairman

Kennet Valley Wood Turners

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