I write occasional daft emails to fellow members of my woodturning club.  As we get new members, some of them are stupid enough to ask me for some of the older emails.  As time passes and the read them, they will learn never to ask again - but meanwhile I have to dig into my email archives and find old items and then send them one by one to the unlucky recipients.

You would think they would find more useful things to do with their lives than read the sad wittering's of this old fool and try to make something of their lives - but no!  Any that appear here will do so in reverse order, there are many reasons for this, but logic is the main driver.  If there is one thing I have - it is logic.  Not much else to be fair - but I do have logic.

I have only recently worked out how to put the pictures in, so many are still missing.  I will continue to work on it.

20 - Apr 2015 - Turning the clocks back - woo-hoo!

From: Boulter, Phil Sent: 10 April 2015 08:13 Subject: Turning the clocks back - who hoo!!

Hello everyone – this is quick and has none of the normal cr*p I normally write – but heck – I have been busy sweeping up porridge. Don't even ask.

The news is that we are back, back at Padworth Village Hall after many long months over the winter at Brimpton. While it was a fine replacement I cannot tell you how relieved we (the committee) are at being able to empty out our garages and workshops of lathes, books, tools, cameras, electrical leads and all of the other paraphernalia that we hold so dear.

If you are new and have not been there before, or are old and have forgotten, or rich and your chauffeur is new, click on the link below for a map


We are back home


Just in case British Snail were late building their new lego bridge over the railway line we booked this month to be a members evening, this means we split up into teams and all turn something the same until the judges make my team the winners. The topic is lidded boxes.

In case you have forgotten – the competition this month is “something for the garden”, so your imagination can take over this month. Dibbers – flowers, rotorvators – it’s up to you to turn whatever you will.


On the topic of competitions, next month we are doing “something from a piece of wood 8”x3”x3” “ (I don’t know what that is in foreign money) – so I will be ringing Brian Collins today to ask him to make sure he brings some suitable stock in with him.

I am dashing about a bit today because immediately after work I have to go to Liverpool. My good lady wife – the one I spoil, wanted a tour of Anfield Stadium – hosted apparently by some famous footballing knobs, Alan Kennedy and Jimmy Case. We also get a three course lunch, not sure what passes for food for scousers, but we shall see. I will report back – assuming I will still have all four wheels on my car when I get back to it.

OK – I am weak – a quickie (particularly apt what with all these partly political broadcasts)

While walking down the street one day a politician is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the man.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the politician.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules." And with that, St.Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress.

They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator raises.

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit heaven."

So, 24 hours pass with the politician joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing.

They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. "Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The politician reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the politician. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning....Today you voted."

As if….

OK – so next Tuesday – don’t be late – and bring something you turned “for the garden” for the competition. Just one final thing, a spinning top, a platter, a bowl, a candlestick holder are all things you would NOT find in a garden!


Don’t forget – if you don’t want to get these annoying messages, just reply and tell me.

Also, don’t forget our Facebook Group.!!


Kind regards


Phil Boulter

(still) Vice Chairman

Kennet Valley Woodturners

07836 274345

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